Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
