Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
