Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
