textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
