OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
