i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
