That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
