Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
