No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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