I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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