I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
