Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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