ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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