Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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