I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
These tits shall not be calmed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
