my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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