At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
