we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
