So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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