You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
