it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You left your phone here
Wait...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
