I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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