i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
