It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
