i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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