Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
