I heard we made out
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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