I murdered the dance floor call the cops
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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