It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
