id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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