in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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