Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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