I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
