Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Randomize