I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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