ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
