Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i think my cat just said my name.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
