it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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