Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
