i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
