Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
