she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
