I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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