I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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