so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
