I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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