things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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