Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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