would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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