I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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