I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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