you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
should my penis look like a turkey
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
