Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
