I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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