Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
