Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
