And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
