I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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