Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
