Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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