and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you never un-have a 4some
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
