i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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