Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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