the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize