drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
