i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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