Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She is in my trunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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