Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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