he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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