And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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