My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
