I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
