I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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