..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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