Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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