areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
