dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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