omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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