The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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