God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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