All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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