Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

(630): View more from Illinois

does taste better than andre tho

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

Fav 5 1235 5481
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

Fav 15 6610 1403
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(847): View more from Illinois

He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

Fav 15 5367 1811
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(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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(503): View more from Oregon

You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.

Fav 24 847 4424
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(214): View more from Texas

My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I regret nothing

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Not even Married Dan?

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

I regret one thing

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