new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
