you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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