hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
