Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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