I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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