Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Randomize
