I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
