using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
