Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
