I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just had sex bonerless
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
