I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dicks are not precious.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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