I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
