Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
