You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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