The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
