oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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