sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
