i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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