Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
