just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
